Discipleship/Boundaries

Developing Healthy Boundaries:

• In His ground-breaking book, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, Henry Cloud approaches the biblical call to discipleship through his lens as a phycologist and counselor. He presents a compelling case for the necessity of developing healthy boundaries which he defines as the ability to say yes to (accept) things that are good and no to (refuse) things that are bad. He unpacks several common patterns in how healthy boundaries are crossed including the Four Types of Boundary Problems. Read more here: https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/articles/four-types-of-boundary-problems

Can’t Say No (to the bad)	Can’t Say Yes (to the good)
(1) The Compliant   Feels guilty and/or controlled by others; can’t set boundaries. Over-extends oneself (getting involved in too many things)	3) The Avoidant Difficulty advocating for one's legitimate needs/desires. Isolates oneself (not asking for/receiving help from others)
(2) The Controller   Aggressively or manipulatively violates the boundaries of others. Can't take no for an answer (always testing the limits)	(4) The Nonresponsive   Failing to respond to the needs of others. Having a broken radar system (due to self-absorption)

See also Compliant-Avoidants:

• Many avoidants are also compliant, which means that they are set up to say “yes” to the bad (compliant) and “no” to the good (avoidant). As a result, they end up drained and unfulfilled.

Additional Resources

Boundaries | Weekly Devotional: https://www.biblegateway.com/devotionals/boundaries/today

• A weekly devotional about family, relationships, and the challenge of setting boundaries in your life, drawn from the Boundaries book series by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.